Who Are They?

Easily seen but challenging to explain, friendship is truly a magical thing. It’s been researched for years but has recently been highlighted because of the pandemic. Our world has become more social and interconnected, yet the 2023 U.S. Surgeon General reports that approximately 50% of U.S. adults experience loneliness.

So, what’s the missing piece to solve the loneliness epidemic? Today, we explore friendship from a Concepts of Life point-of-view and reveal how to spark relationships that enrich your life.

What Does Friendship Actually Mean?

Simply put, friendship is a shared connection between two people.

It’s like a paper cup telephone line. Here are the requirements.

• Two people have to be connected first. A thread must be tied between the two cups to start communicating.

• Each person needs to keep the string evenly taut. If it’s too loose, the message doesn’t go to the other side. If it’s too tight, the string might snap.

• An unused thread weakens over time. Both people need to communicate actively otherwise, the paper cup telephone collects dust and eventually disintegrates.

With our paper cup, how do we begin to make friends? Enter the thread of connection, the first step in establishing a friendship.

Defining A Thread Of Connection

Friendship has many different names. Neighbor. Co-worker. Significant Other. Coach. Classmate. Mentor. While we have some understanding of what these words mean, they don’t precisely detail the nuances of that relationship. An article by Psychology Today introduces the idea of a Friendship Formula, defined as Friendship = Proximity x (Frequency + Duration) x Intensity.

We introduce a concept called a thread of connection to expand on these ideas of proximity. A thread of connection serves as the measurement of nearness or closeness between two people. Below, we explore different threads of connection and how you can weave them together for quality friendship.

Proximity Is Your Best Friend

Friends of physical proximity — The ones you see often

This thread of connection is established by being in the same room as another person. We naturally gravitate to the people we see more often. While often the easiest way to meet someone new, these friendships live at the surface level, only existing while physically together. Once someone leaves the room, the thread is broken.

Friends of convenience — The ones who make your life easier

Not all valuable friendships have to be deep and intimate. You commonly form bonds with colleagues and coworkers. In addition to the physical proximity at school or work, these friends of convenience provide value to us in the form of skills and experience. While these relationships can sometimes feel transactional, it’s okay as long as both people have the same expectations.

Friends of shared interests — The ones you like

This is often the most preached way to make friends. With a collection of articles on the Internet, I’ll defer to those and move on to the other threads of connection.

Friends of shared values — The ones you understand

It’s easy to converse with these people because they have the same mindset towards life as you do. You can relate to their perspectives on family, honesty, money, respect, and other attributes of the world. If you find a person with shared values but different interests, hold on to them. They will be someone who will broaden your perspectives.

Friend of shared empathy — The ones you trust

These are the people that you get. And they get you. All of the subtleties become signs of meaning. Inside jokes. Communication by eye contact. Finishing each other’s… sandwiches. These relationships are rare but extremely important. These people always have your back and show up for you in your darkest times.

We can find these friendships in two ways: through shared experiences and intimate conversations. People bond together by climbing to the top or navigating a difficult situation. Additionally, going deep and talking about life perspectives can help you understand the why and how that defines the way someone is.

Each thread of connection represents the beginning of a friendship between you and someone else. But once established, how do you maintain and continue to grow these friendships?

Could Friendship Be Any Harder? Advice From the Characters of Friends

But don’t just take this advice from me. Let’s reference over 236 episodes of friendship life advice from the popular sitcom Friends. Starting in 1994, the show follows the everyday lives of six young adults as they live, work, and love in the city. Here’s what the characters from Friends have to say about friendship.

“HOW YOU DOIN’?” — Joey Tribbiani

Whether towards a girl of interest or a chicken wing, you can’t help but smile when you hear Joey’s signature catchphrase. As you continue to meet people, embrace the warm welcome attitude like Joey, and you might find yourself a few more friends.

“I’m probably 98 percent happy and 2 percent jealous.” — Rachel Green

Friends have feelings too. They have personal aspirations and issues. And sometimes they conflict with yours. The best of friends communicate when they’re not okay. The sign of a strong bond is not how it grows in times of triumph but how it is tested in times of trouble.

"I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?" — Chandler Bing

We often forget that our friends have different strengths and weaknesses. Some hype us up, some offer advice, and some, like Chandler, can turn a bad day into a better one. Successful friendship requires not only give-and-take but also an understanding of what each person brings to the table.

“And remember, if I'm harsh with you, it's only because you're doing it wrong” — Monica Geller

Friends fight. They can be petty, act unfairly, and often hit you where it hurts. While it’s easy to retaliate, take a moment to ask yourself, “Why”? Just like Monica, true friends have your best intentions at heart, even if they always don’t come across that way.

"I wish I could, but I don't want to." — Phoebe Buffay

Strong friendships are defined by honesty. When you meet someone you enjoy spending time with, it can feel like you have to prove yourself by doing things you don’t want to. Phoebe reminds us that the truest friends are the ones who accept your most authentic self, no questions asked.

Pivot, Pivot, Pivot — Ross Geller

Throughout your life, friendships will change, for better or for worse. Threads of connection naturally weaken over time as individuals continue to grow and go their separate ways. While some friendships are short, the long-lasting ones thrive because of multiple threads. Whenever a relationship feels a little stuck, sometimes we need to turn the corner and just pivot, pivot, and pivot.

From Food To Friends

The Magic of Friendship

Friendship is not a progress bar from 0 to 100.

It’s a journey defined by distance. As we go through life, our paths intersect with each other. Friendship happens when two paths continue to intertwine through threads of connection. Sometimes, diverging paths find each other far in the future while other times they aren’t meant to intersect again. The magic of friendship is something that we can’t always control… and that’s okay.

Friendship is not something to be taken for granted.

It takes days or years to build a friendship, but it can all be lost in seconds. Friendship is fleeting. So let those close to you know how much you appreciate them, what they mean to you, and how much you value them. Because a friend for life might be the real treasure we’ve been searching for all along.

Sometimes we focus so much on forcing friendship that we forget that it can be created all around us. This world is rich with people, all looking for others to share life with. Just like our homemade paper cup telephone, remember that friendship costs nothing to give but might be worth everything to the receiving person on the other side.

As part of our community, we would love to hear about a time and place where you’ve discovered the “wonders” of friendship. Feel free to share a positive experience or a lesson learned.